DON'T

{don't} another entry from my "one little word" journal

1. let the sun go down on you if you still have anger in your soul 2. bring a fast-food mentality to romance 3. sell your soul for worldly gain, instead sell it for heavenly gain 4. stop believing in your dreams 5. settle for anything less than everything you deserve 6. get married too young {grow up first...you change, your ideals change & your heart changes} 7. seek validation from others 8. take life so seriously that you never enjoy it or have any fun while you live it 9. judge someone too quickly 10. stop moving forward 11. give any advice to others that you don't take yourself 12. forget that freedom isn't really free 13. miss a good opportunity to shut up 14. live you life in a box 15. think you will never amount to anything, you are blessed and highly favored by God 16. risk anything if you are not willing to loose everything

HappyList - 1

1. Laugh often
2. Smile every chance you get
3. Talk less
4. Listen tentavily
5. Travel
6. Learn something new every day
7. Teach someone something
8. Keep a journal
9. Eat Chocolate
10. Respect those around you

A New Year

I need to make a very important decision this year. My heart has been heavy and burdened for such a long while now. Fear takes control and tries to silence my heart but a heart can only stay silent for a while. A heart cannot be controlled. A heart cannot be told what to do. A heart cannot be told how it should think, act and feel. The longest journey we will ever make in our entire lives is from our head to our heart. The two will most likely never take the same path and think the same things.

A friend of mine once told me that there are no thrills for the cautious. And no truer words have ever been spoken. So this year, starting now, I am going to take more risks. "risk nothing and you risk everything".

Time

I haven't had the time lately to write because I started my new job on Monday, Sept. 29. After I leave work, I head to cheerleading practice where I coach 27 girls. By the time I get home {around 9:00} I am vamished. I grab a quick bite to eat (of course, lite food so I don't gain any weight), pay some bills [if any are due], try to read a little and then I wash my face and head to bed. So, I will do my best to keep things up here in my blog but I assure you it won't be daily. By the way, I love my new job. Until next time...

on Handling Loss

"When we think of loss we think of the loss, through death, of people we love. But loss is far more encompassing theme in our life. Not only through death, but leaving and being left, by changing and letting go and moving on. And our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love, but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, illusions of safety-and the loss of own younger self, the self that thought it always would be unwrinkled and invulnerable and immortal." {BOOK: Journey through Womanhood}

I have had a loss in every way spoken about in the above statement. I have been the one leaving and I have been the one being left. Thus, causing me to make changes-some changes were dramatic and others were just simple. I have had to learn the hard way what letting go and moving on really means. By letting go it doesn't necessarily mean exactly that you just one day, suddenly, let go. It is a daily process of releasing expectations, sadness, anger, fear, bitterness and dreams. Each day is a chance to make a choice to move on, no matter what the circumstances are surrounding you. And by moving on it doesn't mean you can't look back. Looking back gives the present hope for the future...where you've been, how far you've come and how much you've changed. Looking back also holds memories, people you've loved, people who have touched your heart in such a profound way that their footprints will remain when all else has withered away, and trials that turned into triumphs. Moving on just means that what you one thought, felt and wanted will not come to pass. So, you take a deep breath, put one foot in front of the other, hold your head up and travel, day by day, to another journey along the pathway of life.

You realize, with sadness and joy, that you are wrinkled. Every wrinkle is a reminder of the life you have lived, the wisdom you have gained and the places you have been. You realize, with openness and doubt, that you are vulnerable. You must be vulnerable to truly love another person. By being vulnerable it doesn't mean to be ignorant with your heart and soul. I simply means that you are breaking down walls and putting yourself out there, knowing that you may get hurt and that your expectations and illusions may not come to fruition, but hoping with all your heart and soul that just this once things turn out just the way you wanted. You realize, with fear and trembling, that you are not immortal. The crazy adventures and carefree spirit you once had will never be again. You realize that you have a responsibility to your spouse, your children and yourself. You value life and treasure every moment that God blesses you to live another day.

You learn with every letting go, with every moving on and with every hello and good-bye.

Choose

{Choose} Here is another entry in my "one little word" journal...what it means to me.

1. to stand out from the crowd 2. to always be yourself no matter what 3. LIFE 4. to color outside the lines once in a while 5. to create your masterpiece 6. to decorate your life with as much color as possible 7. YOU 8. to take more risks 9. to always follow your heart 10. to believe in something even if it makes sense to no one but you 11. OPPORTUNITY when it comes knocking 12. wisely 13. to be grateful even when you don't want to 14. to better yourself everyday 15. GREATNESS 16. to love even though you may get hurt 17. to dance 18. to learn from your mistakes 19. to always give 100% in everything you do 20. to discipline yourself 21. to be confident 22. to be positive 23. GOD 24. your words carefully 25. to be adventurous 26. to never compromise who you are to be someone you are not 27. PERSISTENCE 28. experience 29. to laugh at yourself sometimes 30. RESPECT

Learned To Late

I have learned that if
you must leave a place
that you have lived in and loved,
And where all you yesterdays
are buried deep-
Leave it any way except slow;
leave it the fastest
way you can.

Never turn back and believe
that and hour you remember
is a better hour because
it is dead.

Past years seem safe ones,
vanquished ones,
while the future lives in a cloud,
formidable from a distance.

The cloud clears though,
as you enter it.

I have learned this,
but like everyone,
I learned it late.

by Beryl Markham (1902-1986)